15. What, 3 servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren't enough for you, tubby?

14. Your fullness will be short-lived. Like an hour, tops.

13. Put all your money and jewelry in the egg roll and nobody gets hurt.

12. It takes a tough man to make tender chicken from a cat.

11. This coupon good for a free 1-year subscription to Windows Sources magazine.

10. Today's dog in alley is tomorrow's moo goo gai pan.

9. Spouse mad at you. No get special "wonton pork" tonight.

8. Patron who mocks waiter's accent will unwittingly consume chef's bodily fluids.

7. A wise man tips 20% to avoid severe tire damage.

6. An 87 year old hooker awaits you.

5. Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application.

4. Hope you enjoyed your dinner, Mr. Bond.

3. Wipe that drool off your chin. That waitress you're ogling is Mr. Woo's number one son.

2. Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just ate was indeed duck.

1. Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find ways to stir soup